Scully'sMom Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture .) 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly. Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes , don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savannahsmom35 Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 LOL LOL I am reading this from work and I think I may get fired! After all the laughing, they will most certainly know that I am not working right now!! This is SOOOO true!!!! I love the part about the bathroom!!!! We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. -M. Acklam Savannah's Dogster Page Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oregoncoast71 Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 Although I am not a cairn owner (yet). We do have a pointer and three cats. They rule my house. I would like to add (especially for the cats). Humans are their doorman/servant. Mine like to sit by the silding glass door and stare at you until you open it. Then once you open it, they just look at you, not bothering to go out but they just sit there! There is no faith which has never yet been broken except that of a truly faithful dog. -- Konard Lorenz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logansmom Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 OMG....I am at "work" as well. What a mistake to open this right now. So funny. I actually had to get up and walk away for a moment so I could catch my breath. This is getting passed on to EVERYONE that I know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eliz222 Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 I'm laughing here too....all of it is sooo true! I'd like to add that we HAVE a door bell, so it's not neccessary to "tell" us that someone is at the door...thank you! I am more than capable of drying myself with a towel after a shower/bath ...I don't need all your tongues licking the water off me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darsey Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 OMG I am ROFLMAO! Too funny! There should be something in there about poo not being a treat, appetizer, or breath mint! - Darsey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toto times 2 Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 My friends sent me that some time ago and I think I still laughed just as hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scully'sMom Posted May 3, 2005 Author Share Posted May 3, 2005 Our internet service at work is in a "cafe", which believe me is FAR from any cafe. But anyway, I was reading this and I just burst out with this HUGE laugh and everyone turned to look at me. I'm glad you all enjoyed it! The bathroom part hit me as well. I also agree that I, too, know how to use a towel and can dry my own legs. We just spent $11,000 to completely renovate our bathroom and make it accessible and safe for my mom. She doesn't like it but Scully thinks it's a walk-in water bowl. First she cleans up the water in the door track and then we get INTO the shower and mop up the water. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayharley Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Thanks...that was great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlr79 Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 That was a scream and so, so true!! I'm still laughing!! Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abe's dad Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 that was too true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missemilysmom Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 That was great!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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